Monday, November 19, 2007

You Scrub My Back and I will Scrub Yours

My wife now says that scrubbing each other's backs in the new sauna has replaced sex as the most loving thing to do. I say it hasn't but I do enjoy a good trade off. And speaking of trade offs, this is how it works!!!!!!
From the Alaska Ear-

WHO'S OUR UNCLE ... The invitations are out. Forty-nine co-sponsors are throwing a fundraiser for Ted Stevens on Monday at the Dimond Mall hotel. Let's give $$$ to a good man doing a good job, is the theme. Every Republican you know who isn't Sarah Palin is listed, from Clem Tillion to Rick Rydell.

Time-out didn’t the Hotel host a fund-raiser for Palin too? Let’s just say, you can’t have enough friends.

But I want to know, how does one become a co-sponsor? No one contacted me regarding helping out. And what does one get in return of this sponsorship? I would like to have been a sponsor, or at least get an invitation. I would have given Ted something for his defense/campaign funds, like the contents of my pockets right now. He would get: a screwdriver, a nail, two roofing screws, used ear plugs, a chainsaw multi-tool, a wiring connector, 5 keys (I don’t know what 2 of them open, but I keep them on for mass) on my Mitchell County Courthouse key ring, a 5/16th socket, some rolling papers, three quarters and a dime. (Unlike my neighbor Chris, I don’t carry bullets around.) I think these would come in handy for the Senator. In return for these riches, I just want one little earmark that, I hope, will benefit him and his family as well. I would like to have an entire wing of a federal prison designated for the Alaska Republican Party members. Maybe it will have a “Senatorial Suite” as well! That’s wrong to label all corrupt politicians as Republicans; I am sure Tony is a little nervous these days too.

But it does seem strange that an overwhelming majority of the corrupt bastards and perverts are Republicans. Maybe it has to do with the mindset that government is a malevolent actor in the world and many don’t see anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing from and trying to bugger that evil beast. It reminds me of how I used to supplement my income working in the game room at Chuck E Cheese’s Pizza Time Theater as a 16 year old. I would trade game room tokens with the greasy dudes in the kitchen for a pizza during my dinner break. I would be generous so they wouldn’t spit in it. (Take a note you crappy tippers.) Not a high stakes crime; fake money for cheese and bread. I know that the manager knew it was going down.He would wink, smile, and then give us free beer and pizza after work and talk about keeping his prostate healthy. CREEPY!!! I am not proud of doing that (the stealing, not the free underage drinking) but I understand how the process works FOR KIDs working at shitty little jobs. I don’t think it's the way to run anything, especially an enterprise like the USA.

But the fact is that Stevens hasn't been charged with anything. Although it sure does look bad, and as the trusted senator says, it probably is just some ADN lackey who is trumping up rumors as the following ADN story points out.

In the interview, Stevens made vague threats to the people who have suggested that he and his son, former state Senate President Ben Stevens, might be guilty of some sort of wrongdoing. The younger Stevens hasn't been charged with a crime, but his name has come up repeatedly in court proceedings. Plea documents in Allen's own case say that payments of $243,250 the Veco CEO made to Ben Stevens were bribes in exchange for "giving advice, lobbying colleagues, and taking official acts in matters before the Legislature" when the younger Stevens was a state lawmaker.

"Your papers print (the names of) those people who have been convicted and my son's name and mine at the same time. As far as the public is concerned, it's all the same ball of wax," Stevens said. "I'm not going to comment on that ball of wax."

"But we've been included in a way that I hope people understand the laws that are doing it," he said. "Because when it's all over, some people are going to have to account for what they've said and what they've charged us with."

It was unclear whom Stevens was threatening. When asked if he meant libel or perjury, Stevens said: "No. I'm just saying there are ways to account for this in the future."

When asked if he meant political retribution, he remained vague:

"I think the people out there ought to worry about that the way I worry about the investigation. There are myriad things you can do. Just a myriad of things."

When pressed, he wouldn't elaborate further:

"I've said it," Stevens said.”

I think he is an upstanding citizen who has served us selflessly and with honor and dedication. He has been a great advocate for all Alaskans and as the longest serving Senator in the history of US Senate, I will let history be his judge. (I think that will get me off the vendetta list. That was close. I deleted the following, which would have put me on list-
I think he is a barely standing up creton who has served selfishly and with horror and remuneration. He has been a disgrace for all Alaskans and as the longest serving Senator in the history of US Senate and I will let history be his and our judge.)

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